MartyStu Mockfest
by nak425
Summary: This is straight off of the Noble Platypus' Mary-Sue Mockfest. A male college student is taken to be a character in one of Celestina Windbreaker's stories. mm pairing. Rated for later chapters.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything that belongs to someone else. Noble Platypus and whoever wrote PotC…thank you. I love you. I also love my muses, to whom this story really belongs. I'm just the hands that type it.

------------------Celestina's POV--------------------

Celestina's first week of being grounded: Her mother had screamed at her. Her sister had smirked at her. Her brother had outright laughed at her. All in all, a lousy 299 years and 51 weeks awaited her.

~*~

138 years later she had gotten amnesty from her mom and was allowed out again. She decided that the first thing she would do would be visit all her Mary-Sues. She visited her Pirates of the Caribbean Mary-Sues first. Most of them were out already. The one or two stubborn ones she just sent back to their own world. She wanted to start fresh.

She went to a college dorm. They had never failed her. With a start, she realized that it was the same one that She-Whose-Name-Must-Not-Be-Spoken (ahem, reference to the Noble Platypus' Mockfest-read it!) had come from. She hastily transferred herself to a different one.

She saw a couple of guys from the tree she was in as a lavender hawk with a light yellow tail. No girls. She frowned. (Yes, she frowned with a beak. I don't know how, but she did it.) Must be a frat house.

A smile appeared on her face. (Yes, she still has a beak. And a smile.) Maybe she would do something with Marty-Stus…

~*~

She had sat and watched one guy in particular. He was hot, hot, hot… and obviously gay. From the way other guys avoided him and didn't even look at him, he was a total outcast. No other gay guys? Well, she could solve that…

She went back to her office to tinker with her rules so they would apply to guys too. It didn't take long. A day or so. When she was done, she brought the guy to her office without even thinking.

------------------------Mark's POV-------------------------

All of a sudden he was in a floaty office-place. He was freaked out. He didn't know where the hell he was. He heard a voice: "Welcome to my realm between two worlds, mortal. I am Celestina Windbreaker, Goddess of Mary-Sues. What is your name?"

He saw a girl with lavender skin and yellow hair. He raised his eyebrows and snorted. She looked down at herself, muttered something about thinking that she had fixed that problem, and quickly became normal. Too beautiful for normal, actually. He squeaked, and then controlled himself. "Celestina Windbreaker? What kind of a name is that?"

"Mine. Have you got a problem with that?"

"Uh, no… I'm Mark. Why am I here and how did I get here?"

"You are the first of a new breed." Her voice had a nice, melodious sound, but some undertone was grating on his ears. "You…are a Marty-Stu."

"Huh?"

"You do not know what a Marty-Stu is?" She was plainly concerned.

"I know… I just can't be one."

Her eyes flared. "You won't defy me, mortal. You will be whatever I forking want you to be. You won't end up like Randi. You won't."

"I can't-"

"Listen to your past. You were brutally beaten and nearly killed at ten years old, and you do not remember anything before then. You woke up on a pirate ship. Every day of your life since then, your mother, who you are not sure is actually your mother, since you don't remember, forces you to have sex with her. Your father--unless he isn't actually your father--ass-rapes and beats you every night to pay you back for taking his whore, your mother, away from him. You are amazing at lessons, since you don't dare displease your teachers, who are the other pirates. The rest of the ship is adults, and most have no interest in you. At age 19, which you are now, you run away while docked in Tortuga. There, you find out that you are actually gay and hear that the famous Captain Jack Sparrow, famous for both exploits as a pirate and being gay, is looking for crew members on the Black Pearl. Go sign up. Good luck!"

She sent him off. He protested, "But I'm-"

~*~

"-not gay…" He looked around him in amazement. He totally gave up on thinking about it. He looked down at himself. He was wearing a loose white shirt with tight coal-gray breeches and boots. His outfit didn't stand out at all. He wandered through the streets of Tortuga until he reached the Black Pearl, which he hadn't been aiming for.

He tried to walk away, but couldn't. One of Celestina's little "additions" to her rules was that she could do whatever it was that was needed to further the plot by taking over his body…if she was watching. Otherwise, there wasn't anything she could do. Unfortunately for Mark, she was watching him like a hawk. He was her only PotC character now, and her only Marty-Stu ever.

He walked up the gangplank and called out. "Jack Sparrow!"

A voice from behind him said, "Captain, lad."

He whirled around and stared into a pair of big, beautiful, brown eyes. "Ah…I wanted to join the crew of the Black Pearl." What was he saying? Stop, voice, stop!

"Have you any experience, lad? What's your name?"

"My name's Mark, Captain. And I'm an expert sailor, sir."

"All right. I'll take your word for it. If yer lying, though, you'll probably die on the open sea. Got it?"

Mark nodded. What was he doing? What was he saying? He had never been on a forking boat on his life. He tried to shake his head and started nodding violently. He heard a giggle in his head and clapped his hands to his ears.

Captain Jack Sparrow was watching him with a worried look on his face. Damn, he probably thought he was insane. He stopped trying to shake his head and stopped nodding. "Um…why-"

Jack cut him off. "Be here at six tonight. Or be left behind."

Great idea! Be left behind. No more Jack. No Marty-Stu-ishness. Ugh. He started nodding again. Jack nodded brusquely and walked away. Not knowing what else to do, he walked off the ship. Almost immediately, he came face-to-face with Will Turner, who had seen him getting off the ship. Will approached him and said, "Are you a part of the Black Pearl's crew?"

"Yes." What was that look in Will's eye? It was disturbing, whatever it was.

"Oh, good. I am, too. I have been part of Jack's crew since I found out that I was actually g- ahem, not in love with Elizabeth. He's a great man."

"Mmm-hmm." Mark nodded. 'Go away, let me escape this place,' Mark silently chanted.

"Wanna walk around with me until the ship leaves? I know all the best places here." Will gave Mark The Puppy-Dog Eyes.

Mark sighed to himself, then forced a smile and said, "Sure."

------------------Will's POV------------------

Will was so HAPPY that there was a HOT guy besides Jack who was on the Black Pearl. Not that he didn't LOVE Jack, Jack was GREAT…but Will liked a little VARIETY in his life. He really HOPED that this GOOD-looking guy would turn out to be GAY, just like HIM and JACK!

---------------------Mark's POV--------------------

Mark was bored out of his mind. Will had showed him all the taverns. He didn't drink as a general rule, so it was kinda wasted on him. He showed him the best brothels. He considered that kind of thing immoral. He didn't have a girlfriend at the moment, but it was the principle of the thing. So that was wasted, too.

By the time they were done, it was six and time to go. Mark tried to lag behind so the Pearl would leave him behind and he could go home, but Will grabbed his hand and ran with him. Mark stared at their hands as best as he could while running. Maybe he was wrong about Jack and Will was meant to be the love interest… If he was, he had just encouraged him by showing no interest in the brothels. Dammit…


End file.
